It seems that no matter what point you are at in life, there is always that one nagging question that friends, family, and acquaintances can’t help but ask you. Even though you can’t stand that particular question, I bet you’ve caught yourself peppering others with the exact same one. Small talk, at it’s finest.
For me, it started out in kindergarten when a well-meaning photographer tried to elicit a smile from me on picture day, “What’s your boyfriend’s name?” he quipped. I scowled. (There’s a hilarious picture kicking around somewhere to prove it.)
Moving through the grades, the question remained pretty stagnant, some form of “who do you like?” was always hovering around.
Eventually I outgrew that particular query but the question that replaced it was a doozie: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I was so jealous of the kids that knew their path, “Be a marine biologist”, “Become a teacher”, “Go to medical school”.
Shit… I don’t know.
Once I muddled through the unknown and found myself in university I got hit with the most persistent double wammy of all time: “What are you going to do with your degree?” AND “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” (Yeah… I was single for awhile….)
After finally making my way through fretting over my degree and being badgered about being single – I did it, I found a great job and I found a great guy. Boom, done. Hallelujah! Bring on the small talk people!
Oh wait… “Do you think he’s the one?”, “Are you going to move in together?”, “When are you going to get engaged?”, “Are you going to start a family?”, “Are you trying to start a family?”,“Are you pregnant?”
Nothing makes me more awkward than when someone asks me if I’m pregnant. Can’t a girl just drink a pop once in a while? We’re not on The Bachelor here, I don’t always have to drink white wine! I get it though, I’ve done it to people too and I’ve regretted it.
If someone wants to tell you that they are pregnant, guess what? They will. It’s too intimate. It’s too personal. And when you’re wrong, at the very least, they’re left thinking, “I really regret wearing this maxi dress without Spanx now.”
After some careful deliberation, I’m happy to report that I’ve come up with a litmus test to help you decide whether or not you should ask someone if they are pregnant.
The next time you see someone and you’re wondering if they might have a bun in the oven, ask yourself this: “Have I had unprotected sex with this individual any time within the last 9 months?”
Yes? You have? You’re home free, go ahead and ask – oh and congratulations, because you my friend, might have a baby!
And no, for the record, I’m not pregnant.