Thought I’d be a cool mom. Spoiler Alert: I’m not.

It’s not like I was astonishingly cool before I had a baby but I certainly wasn’t the top notch weirdo I am today. In all honesty, I’m not exactly sure how I pictured myself as a mother, I just know that I have started doing things I never thought I would.

I use the phrase “Looks like we need to change your bum” ALL the time.
This phrase to me, is the word “moist” to other people and yet here I am, using it daily. It doesn’t even make sense?

Mommy talks in the third person.
“Mommy’s going to go grab your blanky, yes she is!” Perhaps it’s Mommy’s innate desire to have Stella say Mom before Dad, but Mommy catches herself doing this all the time.

I add [ee] to every word.
Notice the word blanky up there? I am constantly making up new words with the wonderful addition of [ee]. I’ve already had a few unfortunate situations, like the time Stella was playing with an octopus…

I sing about everything.
Pretty sure my baby is going to think the world is a musical where everyone has no inner monologue and it’s totally normal to sing about whatever you are doing, no matter how mundane it is. I’m a TERRIBLE singer, so there’s that too, lucky baby.

In addition to singing, I also make up songs like it’s my job.
Some of my favourites include the late night classics, “My Name is Stella, I Like To Scream Really Loud”, “Where is Stella’s Big Burp” and “Baby for Sale”.

My speaking voice has a new, never before heard octave.
And it’s terrible. I desperately try to remain silent when taking videos of my baby because the play back makes me cringe. Do I really sound like that?!

I dance and bob in public.
I once danced my way around Chapters with Stella in her carrier in hopes of gaining a little more browsing time. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until I got to the front to pay and my movements were restricted.

I will do anything for a sweet, sweet baby smile.
I sure hope the old adage isn’t true and my face doesn’t in fact “stay like that.” I can’t even imagine the weird shit I am going to do when she starts to laugh.

I have one million nicknames for my baby.
Turns out, it doesn’t actually matter what you name your baby because you will come up with some pretty creative nicknames and then even the nicknames will get nicknames. Ex. Little Stinker has somehow morphed into Her Worship, Madam Mayor of Stinky Town. Damn it, I’m weird.

I could go on for hours, I keep going back and adding more! Babies, they certainly have a way of changing, well… everything. And now? I wouldn’t change it back for anything.