You’re Going To Have The Best Dad

Your dad tying my shoes because you’ve made it a bit of a challenge for me.


Dear baby girl,

You might not know it yet, but you’re a pretty lucky lady. As you and I spend all of our time together there is someone else who is anxiously awaiting your arrival, and he’s pretty awesome. (You might remember him from that time he tried to listen to your heartbeat and you kicked him in the head.) By the time you get to know him better, he’ll probably be driving you crazy with curfews and dad jokes but right now he’s just a proud papa to be who can’t wait to meet you.

Together we talk about you and wonder what you are going to be like. We muse about which traits we hope you don’t get from us and which ones we hope you do. We suspect that you have a substantial dose of stubborn and sassy coming, courtesy of me. I’m hoping you get some good traits courtesy of your dad, to balance it all out… 

Your dad is one of the most kind hearted people I know. He thinks about other people’s feelings and rarely has a bad thing to say about anyone, even when I try to egg him on! Your dad is intelligent and analytical. He works hard and takes opportunities to continue to learn and grow. Your dad is a man who loves his family deeply. He makes an effort to spend time with them and help them out whenever they need it.

Your dad is already thinking about you. He’s wanted you since before I even knew I was ready for you. He thinks about everything from how he is going to teach you to snowboard, all the way to how he is going to help mend your first broken heart. He’s going to be there cheering you on and there picking you up when you fall down. He’s going to be the best dad, and I know because I picked him out just for you.

Now sit tight for another 10 weeks knowing that at this time next year, you’ll be here to celebrate your dear old dad in person. Until then, think aerodynamic thoughts, we’ve got quite the journey ahead of us!

Love,

Mom

The Struggle is Real: 10 Reasons I’ve Cried While Pregnant

Loudly_Crying_Face_EmojiIt’s true what they say, pregnancy hormones are no joke! I’m not normally a big crier but being pregnant has definitely softened my little black heart. Here are ten ridiculous reasons I’ve cried while pregnant:

1.) Bernard the Elf on the Shelf
At Christmas time I bring an Elf on the Shelf (Bernard) and hide him around my workplace for fun. On the weekend I bring Bernard home and hide him on my husband. (Nerdy, I know, but it makes me laugh.) One morning I woke up and Bernard had been hidden on me! I cried so hard when I found him and then again when my husband insisted he didn’t hide Bernard, he must have moved on his own. Adorable.

2.) That Damn Dog Movie
They shouldn’t be allowed to show previews for A Dog’s Life, a dog looking to discover his purpose in life over the course of several lifetimes. Just sobbing. I didn’t even go see the movie.

3.) That Damn Dog Movie AGAIN!
Turns out that poor dog was terrified and looks like he is almost drowning while filming. I.can’t.even.

4.) That Time We Went to a Hockey Game
My husband and I went to an Oilers game and they had a retirement ceremony for Haley Wickenheiser. I like hockey and I know who Haley Wickenheiser is but I am by no means a super fan however, I could NOT keep it together during this thing. I cried when they brought out all these little girl hockey players, I cried when she came out with her family, I cried during the speeches even though people were booing some of them, I cried during her standing ovation. I couldn’t even sing the national anthem because I was still choking back tears!

5.) Two Words: Undercover Boss
You know that part at the end where the bosses give the employees some big bonus or vacation and everyone cries? I was right there bawling with them even though I hadn’t seen the whole episode and had no idea what their emotional backstory was.

6.) My Husband Really Loves Our Dog
We were out for dinner and talking about our chocolate lab Beatrix, you know like normal people talk about their kids, and my husband said very seriously that she has such a sweet soul. She totally does… flood gates. #crazydoglady

7.) Mother Effing Marley and Me
Ok so this movie made me cry before BUT I watched it pregnant and was inconsolable. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, watch this movie if you are pregnant AND a crazy dog lady.

8.) That Welcome Home Commercial
Remember that commercial around Christmas time where the military girl is on the plane and she sees a message from her family set up in candles on the ground far below? I honestly don’t even remember what the message was or what the commercial was for because I couldn’t see through my tears by that point…

9.) A Bison Blessing Ceremony
They had a blessing ceremony for a bunch of bisons that were moved to Banff National Park. Perhaps I felt we were kindred spirits because they were almost all pregnant bisons? Who knows, but cry I did, “that’s so beautiful”.

10.) Husband Strikes Again
We made our first trek to a baby store to check out strollers. My husband wants to run with our baby so he was testing out all of the strollers we were considering, running up and down the aisles like the most adorable human being ever… cue the waterworks.

What made you cry unexpectedly while you were pregnant?

Pregnant in real life.

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I found out I was pregnant on a Sunday afternoon, by Wednesday night I was certain that I wasn’t anymore. For the last four months I have gone back and forth a million times about whether or not I should write about this experience. It’s nice to live in a world where being pregnant is just a cute baby announcement, ice cream and pickles, but that’s not real life. Behind every baby announcement there’s a story, and this is a little piece of mine.

After a day of being violently ill with what I assumed was food poisoning, I convinced my husband to go grab some pregnancy tests, “just in case”. I headed into the washroom and before I knew it the little pink plus sign appeared. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I came out of the washroom stunned, “I’m pregnant” I said, followed by an absurd amount of “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god”s and one “what have we done?!” I was excited and happy… but with a strong dose of petrified in the mix.

My husband, who was quite simply ecstatic, calmed me down and we decided that instead of thinking about worst case scenarios we would assume everything was going to be ok. We looked up how far along I was online and found out our baby was the size of a sesame seed. “Sesame” – the perfect nickname for our new addition.

Over the next couple of days I was still quite ill and navigating my way through a mixture of emotions. Sometimes excited, sometimes scared, and sometimes mad that this little sesame seed was making me so sick. I cursed pregnancy and couldn’t imagine spending 9 months in that state. And then everything changed.

It was Wednesday afternoon and I was in a meeting at work, I started to feel really unwell. I went to the washroom and to spare you the details, let’s just say I had all the classic symptoms of a miscarriage. Trust me, I googled them all on my phone in a panic trying to convince myself it wasn’t happening. I went home heartbroken and surprised at how connected I already felt to Sesame. “We shouldn’t have nicknamed it” I sobbed to my husband, “why the fuck did we do that?”

Thursday morning I went to the doctor, “it happens all the time,” he said, “and at this stage, it definitely sounds like you’ve had a miscarriage.” I cried in his office and back in my car as I headed to get my blood work done. Even though I knew miscarriages were very common, I felt so alone. I was mad at myself for getting attached and feeling guilty about how upset I was, after all I had only known I was pregnant for four days.

I took the blood test on Thursday afternoon and found out on Friday that there was still human growth hormone in my blood. I would have to get another blood test and “act like I was pregnant” over the weekend just in case. I had zero hope, in my heart I had accepted the idea that this whole thing was over.

That weekend I thought a lot about my friends who had confided in me, telling me about their miscarriages over the years and I wondered if I was compassionate enough in my response, I doubted it now. I wondered if they too felt like they shouldn’t be sad because “it happens all the time”. I thought long and hard about these women, these strong amazing women who have become incredible mothers. And I thought about other women too, whom I haven’t met but were brave enough to share their storiesAs I waited for my second test results, I felt like I had absorbed some strength from these ladies and I felt so appreciative that they had shared their stories with me. 

On my way to work Monday morning, my doctor called me. “I have your test results, and I have some good news, the human growth hormone in your blood has more than doubled, it looks like you definitely have a viable pregnancy.” And once again I was stunned, only this time I felt a whole lot more grateful.