You’re Going To Have The Best Dad

Your dad tying my shoes because you’ve made it a bit of a challenge for me.


Dear baby girl,

You might not know it yet, but you’re a pretty lucky lady. As you and I spend all of our time together there is someone else who is anxiously awaiting your arrival, and he’s pretty awesome. (You might remember him from that time he tried to listen to your heartbeat and you kicked him in the head.) By the time you get to know him better, he’ll probably be driving you crazy with curfews and dad jokes but right now he’s just a proud papa to be who can’t wait to meet you.

Together we talk about you and wonder what you are going to be like. We muse about which traits we hope you don’t get from us and which ones we hope you do. We suspect that you have a substantial dose of stubborn and sassy coming, courtesy of me. I’m hoping you get some good traits courtesy of your dad, to balance it all out… 

Your dad is one of the most kind hearted people I know. He thinks about other people’s feelings and rarely has a bad thing to say about anyone, even when I try to egg him on! Your dad is intelligent and analytical. He works hard and takes opportunities to continue to learn and grow. Your dad is a man who loves his family deeply. He makes an effort to spend time with them and help them out whenever they need it.

Your dad is already thinking about you. He’s wanted you since before I even knew I was ready for you. He thinks about everything from how he is going to teach you to snowboard, all the way to how he is going to help mend your first broken heart. He’s going to be there cheering you on and there picking you up when you fall down. He’s going to be the best dad, and I know because I picked him out just for you.

Now sit tight for another 10 weeks knowing that at this time next year, you’ll be here to celebrate your dear old dad in person. Until then, think aerodynamic thoughts, we’ve got quite the journey ahead of us!

Love,

Mom

Dear Fantasy Football, I want my boyfriend (and my tv) back!

Dear Fantasy Football,

First of all I want to congratulate you, your marketing tactics have been phenomenal. Combined with the lack of NHL action this year, you are poised to take over the world (or maybe just North America). I applaud your ability to take a man who was once just a simple Giants fan, and morph him into an “every god damn team in the NFL” fan.  Well done, you floozy.

Now I am asking you, no… begging you, please free my boyfriend from your elusive grip. I can admit that I just can’t compete with your seductive lure. The Sunday, Monday and now Thursday football sessions have proven too strong a temptress. I’m sorry, but It’s time for you to prey on someone else’s man… time for you to turn a once easy going lacrosse fan into an NFL stat checking, remote hogging, trash talking fiend!

Kind regards,

Betty

PS. If you could end things quickly it would be much appreciated… Grey’s Anatomy is on tonight.

It’s official, The Bachelorette has made me crazy.

Will you accept this rose?

It started out slow and unassuming, just a newly found affinity for roses… no big deal. (Or so I thought!) But before I knew it my Bachelorette-itis had begun to increase in intensity.

First I started rationalizing the need to own ten to twelve evening gowns. Then I started believing that I could drink wine or champagne every night without being considered an alcoholic. And now in its final phase my Bachelorette-itis has progressed into my relationship world:

I now find myself confused when my boyfriend and I have a date and instead of being whisked off in a helicopter to a breathtaking mountain top for an idyllic picnic we are eating Pizza Hut in front of our new t.v. and watching a movie on Shaw on Demand.

I find myself constantly fighting the urge to create my own rose ceremonies. For example when handing my boyfriend a piece of banana bread I have to actively stop myself from saying, “Michael, will you accept this banana bread?” Then I must hide my disappointment when he doesn’t kiss me on the cheek and accept it by saying “I will, you have no idea what this means to me!”

And finally, my heart now flutters when my boyfriend passes me the mail (or even when he is just holding a piece of paper) expecting it to be a hand written letter from him expressing all of the things he loves about me and how I am the most perfect, beautiful, intelligent, witty, hilarious, fantastic, girl in the world. Needless to say, the Shaw Cable bill for all those Shaw on Demand movies just doesn’t have the same effect!

Am I the only one experiencing Bachelorette-itis out there? Surely I am not alone! 

Is Facebook unnatural?

Every once in a while I get to thinking about Facebook and come to the conclusion that it is actually pretty creepy. Typically to quell this Facebook anxiety I go through a large “unfriending” spree and remove people from my friends list. I decide who makes it based on whether or not I would approach them to say hello if we were both in Safeway at the same time. (This tactic works pretty well until you surprise yourself…)

Anyway, when I am in this head space I start thinking about Facebook and what life would be like if it never existed in the first place. The one thing that is undeniably true is that Facebook sustains relationships that otherwise would have run their course and died. Now when those relationships are friends from other cities or people you met travelling, Facebook really is an incredible tool to keep in touch and for that I LOVE it. But when those relationships include exes, exes family members, crazy ex-roommates, people you knew in high school but weren’t really friends with, etc. that is when it seems so completely unnatural.

Back in the day, before Facebook (or B.F.) these relationships would not be drawn out and sustained, they would have been limited to awkward run-ins and perhaps random drunk dialings. Now with Facebook, they last a lifetime! Of course you could just “unfriend” these people but something about that seems mean and I would guess that the majority of people would rather just keep them on Facebook and never interact with them instead.

Is it just me, or is there something just wrong about people being able to see a million pictures and interactions of their ex (specifically when one person isn’t over the other) and their new lady or dude and vice versa? There is also something terrible about when people start to date someone new and they must face the Facebook montage of that person’s past relationships. If exes are not on “I hate your guts” terms and are still Facebook friends, Facebook replaces their gossiping friend with cold hard proof and facts of things that they may not necessarily want to know.

The same goes with other relationships that should have died. When friends have a falling out but are still on each other’s Facebook because no one wants to be the rude one and delete the other, all sorts of drama can ensue.

Personally, I have taken the approach of “unfriending” people that I feel would fall into this unnatural category but I know from my friends’ experiences that not everyone does this. And I certainly didn’t always take this approach when confirming friend requests and managing my friends list.

So what do you think, is Facebook unnatural?

Put your phone down, I’m talking to you!

It drives me absolutely batty when I am hanging out with my friends and they are on their phones the ENTIRE time. Now I understand the occasional text message or angry birds session but I do NOT understand when it became OK to totally ignore real live people in favour of your shiny plastic phone. (I know what you’re thinking… I’m way more fun than this little rant leads on… I swear…)

This past weekend I finally met my breaking point. I just couldn’t take it any longer! I threw out an ultimatum. If you are going to hang out with me you have a choice to make: you can either hang out with me OR you can play Words With Friends. That’s it, that’s all, you can NOT have both.

Unfortunately for me, that tactic didn’t work out so well… Who knew Words With Friends was so freaking addictive?! Rather than stage a much needed intervention, I decided to adapt my strategy to a more amusing one (for me anyway). I came up with this rule: if you want to play Words With Friends at my house… you must do so wearing the paper bag face. This way, while you’re ignoring me, I at least get to laugh at how ridiculous you look trying to place your silly Scrabble word down while peering through your nicely fashioned eye-holes.

Why do I get the feeling the only thing people will take away from this post is that they must immediately download Words With Friends… If you can’t beat ’em… join ’em. Here are a few tips: qi, ti, uts, ar, qys, vox, and xi are all words that will get you points. Oh, and here’s a site if you want to cheat.

Enjoy.